And sometimes we just forget to eat.

Grandma drinking straight bourbon while on phone with granddaughter: Yes, we always eat a little later up in Northern Virginia. First we get BOMBED, then we eat a little later.


--Virginia

I don't not like them...Damn!

Yalie's bro: I don't like redundancy either.
3-year-old: Do you like pink blankies?


--Texas

No. I am.

3-year-old: My tongue is not a banana.


--Texas

Ayn Rand was never a hit at parties.

Drunk Girl (sitting in other's lap): Tell me....tell me more....
Slightly Less Drunk Girl: I will nourish you with the philosophy lactating from my teat.


--Indiana

I've got bling on the soles of my shoes.

Mom: Wow, you get really lecherous looks from black men.
Yale girl: Yeah, I swore off white boys. Who am I to blow against the wind?


--Philadelphia

So then I smacked her and kicked her and made her my BITCH!

Yale Guy (recounting Toad's experience): I had been dancing with this girl, but then I went to the bathroom. And when I came back, she didn't want to dance with me anymore. Even though I had swung her, and dipped her, and made her my woman.


--Silliman

Woot.

We got another quote on overheardeverywhere.com.

It's a Christmas miracle.

See it here.

So I'm gonna keep barking up that tree.

Girl: Maybe she really is bi but just wasn't into me.


--Pierson

Tila must retain her air of mystery!

Dude: But what if she becomes a fan of the fucking cock and tells someone?


--Bar bathroom

He definitely got the email (see below)

Guy: It's weird being in this library and having clothes on.


--Bass Library

What exactly were they DOING?

Guy: What are the animals that are like llamas but aren't. Not alpacas but...?
Girl: Emus?
Guy: No, those are the big birds with weird feathers.
Girl: When I think of emus all I can think of is porn.
Guy: WHAT?
Girl: In seventh grade on a field trip we saw emu porn on TV at the hotel. It was terrible.


--The Elmhurst

I'm trying to make it stay like that.

White girl #1: Hey, you look really Chinese right now?
White girl #2 (excited): Really?! Thanks!


--Lynwood

The excess radiation explains my brother's 12 fingers.

Girl: It was gigantic. My Mom had one of the first cell phones ever. She won it in a radio show.


--The Lynwood

How many licks does it to get to the center of a Yale girl's vices?

Gayalie: Lauren*, I'm unsure whether booze is your gateway to guys or vice-versa.
Yale Girl: It's a valid question my friend and, given that I'm unlikely to give up the abuse of either, the world may never know the answer.


--York St.

I thought that was our 'safe word'?

Yale Girl: Jeremy, can you move your chair so I can get out?
Stupid Harvard Boy: What's the password!?
Yale Girl: uh, "please"?
Stupid Harvard Boy: No. (looks disappointed) It was "spaghetti-spaghetti pizza"...


--Paris, France

"Belligerence": the new energy drink from Jim Bean

Drunk Guy: Man, this coke and bourbon has so much caffeine in it.
High Girl: Bourbon has caffeine in it?!


- Silliman

Streaking professionally!?

Asian guy: Did you get my e-mail earlier this week?
White Guy: Yeah, isn't it gonna be cold?
Asian Guy: Wait, what?
White guy: About the run this weekend....(lowers voice) the naked run.
Asian Guy: No! The one about the job.
White guy: Oh!...Yeah...I got that one.


--A1

Because of...uh...all the cute boys paying the check.

Girl #1: See! There is totally a charge minimum here.
Girl #2: Really!? Maybe I just...never...had a problem.


--A1

So I ate to kill the crying.

Girl 1: Yeah, guys can be such asses.
Girl 2: Seriously..my DAD used to call me FATSO!
(Entire group gasps loudly)


--College St.

I roll MILITANT!

Black Girl (yelling): No! That is not how I "PROCEED." It is how I "ROLL". How I "ROLL." The movement. Don't you try to impose your hegemonic vocabulary on me!
Black Guy: Uh...


--Cross Campus

Who knew in Michigan you can't drive schwasted?

Preppy Guy: It was really "informative" when I got my Michigan lawyer after I got arrested for drunk driving.


--Elm St. and Park St.

Nothing, just go play with something sparkly.

Boyfriend: Well she's not an athlete and she got into Yale. She must be somewhat smart.
Roommate: Good point.
Athlete Girlfriend (oblivious): Well, if you have enough money you can get in.
(Boyfriend and Roommate laugh)
Athlete Girlfriend: What? I didn't hear what he said.


--The Elmhurst

Purge 'till you can't feel feelings.

Big Girl: I dont know what to do. They put me on prednisone for my athsma and I gained 6 lbs in three fucking days...


--Wall St.

But only in the butt

(After Screw)
Drunk guy: Will you sleep with me?
His date: No...I'm not like that.
Drunk guy: Please....
His date: OK.


--Bingham

Watch me crank that Soulja Boy/Then bursar that bitch!

Drunk guy: And I need condoms.
Durfee's lady: The Magnums? You sure?
Drunk guy: I don't know, what do you think?
Durfee's lday: I don't know, if they're too big, they'll slip.
Drunk guy: You don't know shit about me!
(pause)
Drunk guy: I'll take the blue ones. And the red ones.


--Durfee's

I'm Jack Frost, bitch!

Professor's son: All of my birthdays are in Winter.

--Brewster Hall

Unfortunately, I've also started lactating.

Stressed Girl: I've actually discovered a mind trick to help me get my work done. I'm pretending that I'm a Mom and if I don't do all of it, my newborn baby will DIE. Am I going crazy? Maybe. Am I blasting through my work? Yes.


--Saybrook

Welcome, procrastinators.

Hey guys,
Answer the new poll question on the right and let me know what you think of having funny videos and links included with your normal overheard content. Plus, answer the Oral Sex vs. Cheese question before the poll closes!

Best,
Joe

PS. Anyone else steamrolled by finals week?

When DS girls hook up...

I'll take "the rapists" for $200

Guy 1: Wouldn't it be hilarious if we just beat the shit out of *Zack right now? Just bloodied and broke him for no reason.
Guy 2: Let's rape him!
Girl 1: Yeah!

(Guy 2 and Girl 1 sit on Zack and start poking him, he screams at the top of his lungs while crouching in the fetal position)

Zack's Roommate, busting into the room: What the hell is going on? The last time I heard you scream was when she died.

(awkward silence)

Guy 1: Who died?
Zack: Anna Nicole Smith.
Zack's Roomate: I thought Alex Trebek had died!


--Saybrook

And by ass I mean....

Girl: I'm gonna smack him in the face and fuck him in the ass!


--Saybrook

That's why there's only a New Years every five years, right?

Sober-ish guy testing Drunk Guy: *Rick, what's the last date in January?
Drunk Guy: The 31st!... but it's a leap year so the 30th.


-- York St.

Yeah, I stole them from a bitch I shived.

Girl to Guy #1: What’s up with the scruffy beard? Reading week?
Guy #1: I’m just a thug.
Guy #2: He actually killed someone last night. Straight up popped a cap. For being late with $20.

(awkward pause)

Girl to Guy #1: Hey, are those squash shoes you’re wearing?


--Elm St.

My gay boyfriend uses those!

Freshman girl (in a state of epiphany): Oh Viagra! That's the sex pill!

--Afam House

...Or a kettle.

Girl: How drunk are you?
Guy: Like...95% percent.
Girl: Have you been doing drugs?
Guy: I haven't even smoked a pot.


--L Dub

She's a beaut.

Guy in line: That's good because it allures people to your anus.

(Everyone suddenly becomes silent)



--Outside an SY study break

And so I bought these stilts.

Guy: Last night you kept telling me that if I was a foot taller you would fuck the shit out of me.


--Dining Hall

'Cause doesn't everybody?

Girl: Guys on his team said he's a tripod!
Guy: I don't get it. He has three testicles?


--BAR

...out of respect.

Guy: My next girlfriend is gonna be a New Haven girl. Ghetto as hell. I'm gonna bring her to Yale parties and slap her on the ass.


--BAR

I'm not Bride and Prejudiced!

Girl: I've been really into Indians, lately. I don't know why but something about their skin color turns me on.


--Saybrook

She's actually quite oderless, I assure you.

Girl: I have a friend of a friend whose last name is Stanchi-Coch; pronounced "Stanky Cock".


--BAR

Lemme blow yo' mind.

Overheard at Yale has been picked up by overheardeverywhere.com AGAIN!

It's a doozy of a quote. See it here.


-Joe

When Hannibal Lecter is your Dad family life is wacky!

Girl: I protect my belly button because you never know when someone is going to disembowel you.


--Afam House

But then I realized...when she put HER hand up there.

Guy: Are you trying to steal *Kate's boyfriend?
Girl: I didn't know he was her boyfriend. At least not when his hand was up my skirt.


--Toad's Place

We'z got a website, bitches!

Hey guys,
Exciting news. You can now get to Overheard at Yale by going straight to www.overheardatyale.com.

I just wanna make life easy for y'all!

Best,
Joe

A slut census, if you will.

Gay Guy: It's really hard to get HIV through oral sex.
Drunk Girl: People with dicks down their throats as much as we do?...we need statistics on those people.


--The Elmhurst

I thought EVERYONE was attracted to Legolas

(Girl is splayed on Pancho)
Pancho: Get your long-ass elven hooves off me!


--The Elmhurst

More fun, too.

Guy: I read this book for class last week that said that, according to Utilitarianism, gang rape is better than regular rape.


--Viva's

The Rules of the Most Dangerous Game (it's a little inside , I know)

British Girl: I have this funny little theory that pheasant shooting was actually "peasant" shooting until one deaf aristocrat mis-heard it and started shooting these funny little birds that taste worse than chicken.


--Viva's

I drive a schoolbus full of puppies.

Townie #1: Hey man, just got off work.
Townie #2: Yeah, I know how that is.
Townie #1 (drinking heavily): Just got off the second job, have to go to the third job in an hour.


--Viva's

Shaddup crack'as!

(Hispanic Girl walks in with newly dyed black hair)

White Girl #1: You look Asian!
White Girl #2: Geisha!


--The Oxford

Can I haz dominance?

Professor: What is the future of human evolution? Are we going to be attacked by giant cats?


--Anthro Class

But now I shall google it.

Professor: Early settlers generally slept with their domesticated animals...like "slept" slept.
Student: Thank you.
(laughter)
Professor: I wanted to get that image out of your head.
Student: It wasn't there before...


--WLH

Roast Beef shall prevail!

Professor (dead serious): So this city-state had the best chance of survival because they had the biggest Arby's.


--WLH

Not as awkward as a mangina

Guy #1: Was there coffee?
Guy #2: Yeah, but I don't drink coffee.
Guy #1: Oh, it makes your vagina itch?
Guy #2: Excuse me?
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: You're awkward.


--WLH

Cannibal mimes? Abject terror.

Girl: I'm more afraid of mimes than of cannibals


--College St.

Plus a big veiny dick. Yeah.

Guy 1: She wants it dude, I'm telling you.
Guy 2: It's a shame I'm not attracted to her.
Guy 1: Yeah, she'd be cute if she lost some weight, had nicer tits, and got a hotter face.


--Branford

Then I kissed her...with my ANUS!

Guy 1: Did you finger her?
Guy 2: Yeah I fingered her... with my dick.


--Branford

There's a part of me that wants to be a gay guy with bad taste.

Dude: I wish I had the playlist from the Safety Dance.


--Davenport

Ahh, choking the metaphorical chicken.

(During a discussion of gut science classes)

Student 1: Did you hear there's a class called "The Physics of Golf?"
Student 2: Yeah, sounds like a gut.
Student 3: Ha. Like "Porn in the Morn."
Professor: Yes, but that's not a how-to class. It's more theoretical.


--Elizabethan Club

Moses brings us presents, or something.

(Happy Hanukkah truck with huge menorah and music playing rolls bye)

Jewish Guy: Yay, Jews!
Flower Lady: Oh yeah! 'Cause iz they's New Year, right?
Jewish Guy: Yeah.
Gentile Guy: Really?
Jewish Guy: No, not at all.


--Elm and York

Unless Bert intervened.

Girl: Do you think that Ernie LaPorte would have touched you as much as you touched it?
Guy: Ugh. Yes.


--Elm St.

Jim Morrison was a freak

(Scribbled on the wall in the men's bathroom)

"There are doors in the rudders of big ships."

"The doors swing both ways."

"The doors are perceptions."


--Richter's

At least it's not wearing a necklace.

Birthday Girl: I just had a very drunk moment even though I'm not very drunk. I just looked at the TV and there was a Dunkin Donuts commercial for "Holiday Decorated Donuts" and I was like "Oh yeah, Highly Decorated Donuts."


--Richter's

And crabs.

(Guy sees a pair of pants sitting on the ground)

Guy: Oooh! Look at the clothes. I should take them.
Girl: You can't do that! You know they're full of poison.


--Old Campus

I'm BIG Mama

(As her Dean walks close by)

Girl (loudly): My titties be poppin!


--Saybrook

Usually there's an awkward silence during a pelvic.

Lady Professor: I had a conversation yesterday with a friend...actually she's a gynecologist. She wanted to talk about movies.


--Whitney Humanities Center

Not a fan of the jiggle?

Girl 1: Hey, are you doing that Jello wrestling?
Girl 2: Oh, yeah.
Guy: What!?
Girl 2: Did I not tell you about that?
Guy: Uh, no!
Girl 2 (to Girl 1): Are you doing it?
Girl 1: HELL NO!


--Saybrook

She tried to quit but totally relapsed.

Girl: My teammate was Korean last year. Still is.


--WLH

...other than "get the implants".

Girl (to entire class): I'm Puerto Rican and Italian and I have smaller features than a lot of my Italian relatives. They've always said "This is unacceptable...you need breast implants!" And I'm ok with myself but they say "Oh, when you graduate from Yale we'll look into it" and I'm like no!
Teacher: Oh... go ahead Joe.
Joe: I completely forgot what I wanted to say.

(Class laughs uproariously)


--WLH

Which would YOU choose? (see survey to the right)

(In regards to the classic "If you could only have one for rest of your life which would you choose to give up: oral sex or cheese?)

Girlfriend: I'm surprised that you would give up oral sex instead of cheese? I thought you liked oral sex.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but I'd still give up the oral sex. I mean, no offense.
Girlfriend: I know, but you didn't even pause before answering.
Boyfriend: Well, they asked me earlier and I thought about it...Isn't it funny when people say "no offense" after something that's clearly offensive. It's so obnoxious.


--The Elmhurst

Like when I buy a REALLY big crack rock.

Girl #1: Where did you get your fake?

Girl #2: New York. The guy was a real sketchball but it was really easy.

Girl #1: Was it expensive?

Girl #2: Yeah, but I'm good for the next three years, so it's worth it.

Girl #1: Yeah. It's like when I buy a pair of expensive shoes. I figure if I pay like $200 for them and then I wear them like 50 times, it's worth it.

Girl #2: Yeah. exactly.

--HGS Bathroom

His scent, however, is unforgettable.

(An 11 person seminar is getting ready to leave on a field trip)

TA: Is everyone here?
Student: Where's Kenny?
TA: Oh, will someone call Kenny?
Professor: What's the problem?
TA: We're missing Kenny.
Professor (to Asst. Professor, in a hushed voice): I know neither the name nor the face of this person.


--New Haven Train Station

...And then they sent us to the DMZ.

South Korean Yalie: We have to speak to people older than us in a different language.
American Yalie: In...you mean verb form?
South Korean: Yes, language. I had to bow to my upperclassman in high school.
American Yalie: Oh.
South Korean Yalie: Or they hit us. With a mop.


--Saybrook

And math is my caboose. (drool)

Native English speaker who got a concussion at Toad's the night before: My written English is much better. My spoken English is bad. It's like, a different part of the train.


--CCL

Note to self: Purell doesn't kill scabies

Guy, to self, while using the hand sanitizer dispenser: Sex erection. Sex erection.


--Saybrook

Yeah, your eyes are all kinky.

Girl: So when you get high do you think about falling down the stairs or twisting your ankle. You know, like hurting yourself.
Guy: That's called being paranoid.
Girl: No, but when I do I always think the pain would be pleasurable. Like, if I twisted my ankle now it would feel really good.


--Elm St.

To shun or not to shun?

Guy: Well, he does have a lazy eye but he's a really great guy.


--Elm St.

Obviously.

Gay guy: So I was hanging out with this guy the other night and he asked me to go to his place. He was wasted and just blurted out "I have herpes". Then he went to the bathroom for a minute and came back and said, "Wow, I am so drunk. I shouldn't have said that."
Girl: So did you sleep with him?


--The Lynwood

Oh I'm ALWAYS doing that.

Girl 1: That's bad luck!
Girl 2: What's bad luck?
Girl 1: Putting purses on your floor. You might as well put your menstrual blood on your face.


--The Lynwood

I'm the one y'all hate to smell.

Girl: And if you thought you could laugh at me, I'm not very gassy!


--Pacifico

Parents' attention was 100% on your pee, eh?

Guy: It's OK, I'll turn the water on while you pee.
Girl: Thanks, I have really bad stage fright since I'm an only child.


--Saybrook Bathroom

And then BOOM all over the couch.

Girl: I haven't peed since, like, 8pm!


--Pacifico 1am

Platapussy?

(After entire group has licked a strawberry flavored dental dam)

High Girl: It smells like strawberry wafers.
High Guy: Yeah the Japanese kind.
High Girl: Poki!
High Guy: Have you even had Hello Pandas and Koala Yummies?


--The Elmhurst

It's a lesson she'll never forget!

Yalie's Brother: One of my professors brought his 9-year-old daughter to class and told the class in front of the girl that the only reason he married his wife was the kid.


--The Elmhurst

We keep the spark alive.

Guy: I see you update your relationship status on Facebook every other day! I'm like "Oh no, they broke up again!"
Girl: Um...yeah.


--The Elmhurst

You mean like a bitch, bitch?

Girl: Have you noticed that when a person gets to a warm place after walking fast in the cold they smell like wet dog?
Guy next to her who has done exactly this: What!?
Girl: Just for a little bit!


--The Elmhurst