Yet I can't shake the feeling that he's never made it past first base.

Drunken Harvard freshman, stumbling around: Wanna know the best head I've ever gotten? Bulimic chicks.


--Cambridge, MA.

'Cause either way I gotta drive tonight.

Girl watching Animal Planet: Wait...are we drinking based on how often they eat the fish, or how many fish they eat?...cause...those are guppies.


--Howe St.

Which one was the youth pastor, again?

Guy: So apparently her Dad and my Dad hooked up.

So I assume you are also a registered Guitar Hero.

Man #1: Yo, have you ever seen The Italian Job?
Man #2: Man, I don't need to see that shit. I got the video game.


--Starbucks

No, No, No, Yes, No, Don't think so, Probably, Duh, No Goddamit!, Hells to the yes. :)

Without the minifeed where would we get our daily dose of facebook hostility?

Or is that the audience of "Wicked"?

Guy #1: Hey, they're remaking Roald Dahl's "The Witches". I would always get way too scared to watch that when I was little.
Guy #2: Is that the one where they explode into glitter in the end?


--Film Study Center

It's why we haven't bothered to make ANY friends at Yale.

Herald Editor-In-Chief: And how's your section looking?
Herald Editor #1: For this week's section, we're going to talk to some kids we know at Harvard about cool things to do at Harvard this weekend.
Herald Board: (snicker)
Herald Editor #2 (dryly): We have really cool friends at Harvard.
Herald Board: (laughter)
Herald Editor #2 (dryly): We sound like we're kidding, but we're not.

Um, what planet are you visiting from, again?

Girl (discussing a hookup): I can't remember who it was. Maybe I lowered my standards. But I figure, it's Yale, so everyone's pretty good here, right?

She don't know shit about my white blood cells!

Middle Aged Lady #1: I can't believe she's always talking behind my back like that!
Middle Aged Lady #2: Oh you mean the AIDS?
Middle Aged Lady #1:Yeah!


--Silliman

Nobody bites BUNNICULA!

Guy 1: No, I would enjoy receiving a bunny.
Guy 2: You would?
Guy 1: Yes, I've always thought I would like to receive a bunny. They're so cute and fluffy. I just want to take a bite out of one.


--Cross Campus

It's every so droll to do so!

Blonde Pale Kid has just swiped: I love getting my thug on in the dining hall


--Morse Dining Hall

No words.

Dining Hall Worker: When I got my nipples pierced I had an orgasm when the guy was doing the left one.
Student: Really? How did that happen?
Dining Hall Worker: When he clamped it I just told him to keep twisting that shit, and 20 minutes later I done had an orgasm. It was a little Chinese man who did it...I bet his little uncircumcised dick was all bonered out and shit.


--HGS

She would be the wolf to my helicopter.

Professor: I have to admit. I find Sarah Palin enormously attractive. I would chase her around my living room...


--PLSC Building

Quick, get me a Bratz doll!

Rob Gifford, NPR correspondent, describing China’s “initial flush of consumerism”: It’s like rushing into the stores in January: "Oh my goodness! Everything’s 80% off! And I’ve been in a labor camp for 20 years!"


--Master's Tea

Are they saying Canadians are stupid or Americans are WAY too stupid?

So I'm entering this online contest and read the following:

Rules and Conditions:

PRIZES: One (1) Grand Prize of $50,000, three (3) First Prizes of $10,000 and twenty (20) Second Prizes of $1,000. Prizes will be awarded by check in U.S. currency. Canadian winners must correctly answer a time-limited mathematical skill-testing question to be administered by telephone in order to be awarded a Prize.

That is SO 1983.

Freshman: I mean, who would use Crisco for lube, anyway?


--Bass Library

Honestly? It sucks the fart out of my ass.

Comp. Sci. Professor 1, referring to organic brownies: I hate eating here because I have to get out fast. If I don't get out, these things have a magnetic attraction.
Comp. Sci. Professor 2: And there's a mountain of them.
Comp. Sci. Professor 1: But I ate all my carrots.
(Silence)
Comp. Sci. Professor 1: How's your QR course going?


--Silliman Dining Hall

Ok. Check.

Yale Girl: So, say you kill a child. (uproarious laughter) You kill a child! (uncontrollable giggling)

Oh Kirsten Dunst, you know that's not true.

Gay guy to woman with overnight bag: So we'll drop your stuff off at my place and then we can go.
Woman: Sure. Oh, I also have to shave my pits and change my shirt.
Guy: Uh, ok.
Woman: I am a delicate flower.

Or a crack pipe, in Florida's case.

Foreign student: What's the panhandle?
(Presenter points to Texas and Oklahoma on map)
Foreign student: It's like the handle of a pan! Wow!

--LC

Turns out Ms. Palin is a poor loser.

Intense Grad Student: She ended up just taking the knife and shoving it through his forehead.
Grad Student: Oh my god!


--York St.

Oh, I guess I have to buy a vibrator, then.

Foreign Girl: You guys got a punani machine!?
Dining Hall Worker: It's called a "panini" machine.


--HGS

Just because I'm French.

Old Campus Girl: I had to be like, "Bitches! Give me my f-ing ballot! Stop disenfranchising me!


--OC

To put them up our butts.

Girl #1: I got Oreos.
Girl #2: To do what?


--The Elmhurst

Phlegmatic are we?

Girl (upset): Oh NOOO!
Guy: What?
Girl (calm): Never mind.
Guy: Story of your life.
Girl: I thought we were out of Mucinex.


--The Elmhurst

It's because there's sugar in our goddamned iced tea. Word.

Professor (about phone banking): I called people in Pennsylvania and Virginia, and they were so incredibly sweet. I thought I might get, you know, mean comments, and maybe they went and burned a cross after they talked to me, but they were so sweet.


--A&A Building

Now if I can just find a deal on a cubic ton of mustard...

Art Grad Student: I'm gonna have to buy, like, a whole cow. It's a good thing I'm getting my economic stimulus check.


--A&A Building