And drink away our sorrow with grog.

Tall senior with deep a cappella voice: Yeah, come and we can sing conservative sea shanties!


--Trumbull

I know, if you didn't I'd dump you.

Girl modeling dress: So what do you think?

Guy: Uhhhhhhhh CLEAVAGE.

Girl: Oh come on. I'd have cleavage in a turtleneck.

--Saybrook

"Brangelina"

By Max Lanman ft. James Lanman

I fantasize about suckling piglet.

Asian Yale Girl: I mean, I have weird thoughts when I look at my sister's boobs...inevitably.

Sure it's not instructions on how to 'masta'-bate?

[Asian Mom has written "DJ masta" on a notepad on the coffee table]

Asian Yalie: Who is DJ Masta?
Asian Mom: Ohhh, I was watching a cooking show this afternoon, and they said to use that on sandwiches.
Asian Yalie: You mean… Dijon mustard?

For more see mymomisafob.com

Only when she's passed out.

Jock Suitemate: Do you ever fart in her face?

You see, in 6th grade I was raped by one.

Yale Girl: In 7th grade I used to be really scared of hair dryers.


--Cross Campus

I don't think it matters how many hardboiled eggs you eat. You're never going to be the cheerleader from Heroes.

Construction Worker: How about 58? The only reason why is cuz I got a big burn mark I want to get rid of.


--JE

I'm more full-of-shit than Sarah Palin!

Yale Girl (nonchalant): I think I've got pieces of dried up poop in my intestines.

Now I poop confetti.

Art grad student #1: You're looking so skinny!
Art grad student #2 (entirely serious): I've stopped eating.
Art grad student #1: No, you're looking really good!


--Loria

Not just good...it's perfect.

Girl #1: I wish I could come out tonight, but I need to finish my paper, and I'm such a fucking perfectionist.
Girl #2: Wait, you're fucking a perfectionist? Is that good?


Thanks to The Yale Record.
Grab their hilarious October issue at your closest dining hall.

A new breakthrough in cultural sensitivity.

Football Player: ...well there's always reverse cowgirl. Or cowboy, as the case may be.

I DO, don't I.

Girl: You look like a sexy muskrat.


--Film Study Center

I think it has to do with not eating dairy, right?

Yale polo player #1: What are all those people doing on Old Campus?
Yale polo player #2: Probably "Soccer for Darfur" or something. I hate fake activism like that.
Yale polo player #3: You mean "S'mores for Darfur," right?
Yale polo player #1 (seriously): I keep hearing that word, "Darfur." What does it even mean?
Players #3 and #2: (Hysterical laughter)


--High Street

Yep, it's "Filet Mignon is to Salisbury Steak as...?"

Foreign student: So how did you do on the SATs?
American student: Screw the SATs. I lost respect for America when I took the SATs. The difference between Yale and BMCC is an analogy.


--Convent Ave.

From Overheard in New York

Now if you'll just sign this waiver, Miss Cleo.

Amputee: Did I ever tell you that I can see the future? I read tarot cards.
Hospital Worker: Really? Well if you're so good, why didn't you see that your legs would be gone?
Amputee: You have a point.

Picture Post!

The first comes from a reader:


The second is from me. Anyone else think these are some odd options for what suggestions pop up from Google when you type "is[space]":


On a related note: IS shingles contagious?


PS. There's a new poll. Make that a priority for yourself. Thanks.

Are there condoms that make me "not blackout"?

Girl #1: There are things in the entryway that could help you, I'm just saying...

Girl #2: Huh?

Girl #1: Be safe.

You so hot you got me goin' Pro LIFE!

Dining Hall Worker: Was you dressed as a fallopian tube this weekend?

--HGS

Inspiration

Would You Ever Date A Mentally Retarded Person? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

Tracie and Rich answer viewer mail...while stoned. It's amazing. Here they are with guest star Amy (Amis?) from Cycle 10 of America's Next Top Model.

A new episode is posted on jezebel.com every Friday at 4:20.

Except gay. I just referenced Gossip Girl.

Girl: So what do you want me to say to her?
Guy: I don' t know, leave her confused.
Girl: You're awful!
Guy: I'm... Chuck Bass

What did you expect? Greatness?? (MUAHAHA)

Guy #1: So you're reading Great Expectations? So boring.
Guy #2: Yeah, I'm 50 pages in and I don't understand why it's a great American novel.

It's contagious.

Beer Pong Player #1: (misses shot) Shit, that was poor.
Beer Pong Player #2: Whoah, we don't use that word around here!

Like, Virginia is totally a swing state or something.

Girl #1: So why are you majoring in poli sci again?
Girl #2: Well, my family is Persian, and I'm thinking about going to work in the middle east, so-
Wasted girl, very seriously: OMG the middle east is SOOO important right now.

Why do you think they call it "box-wood"

Female Grad Student: Oh my god, I just had an orgasm out in the bushes.


--HGS

Who are you? Germany?

Female Frosh: I'm going to go...de-Jew myself


--SSS

I think it's from all the pukin'.

Commons Cook #1: I thought you said you was bolemic.
Commons Cook #2: Naw, I said my stomach hurts.
Commons Cook #1: Aww, yeah.

I want to sound creepy because I'm talking about their feet.

JE Construction Worker: I mean, I don't want to sound creepy because they're in college, but they're attractive, young, and cute.

LIMP Biscuits.

Dining Hall Worker: She gotta show me her panties and I'll give her free biscuits.


--HGS

Misquoting American Psycho does not a satire make.

Guy to friend: He's the classic Yale case: a closet homosexual who does a lot of coke.


--Yale Bowl

Video Feature!

Hey guys,
Overheard at Yale is expanding a little bit (heh). We want to try out a new feature where we answer some reader questions on life, love, sex, awkward encounters and Yale. Send your questions in to overheardatyale@gmail.com. Don't worry; it's totally anonymous.

You could even use sendanonymousemail.net to send it to us

Fear not. This won't get in the way of our regular duties of bringing you the best in overheard absurdity.

Love,
Joe & Jacquie

When ISN'T it.

Girl from bathroom: OWWWWWWW...I'm washing my hands...Is my nipple showing?


--The Elmhurst

Because I'm pretty sure everyone can hear mine right now.

Girl 1 to girl 2: "You have a quiet vibrator, right?"

--Bass library

Especially now that he's one of my regular Johns.

Eight-year-old girl: You know, I really need to look up his name in the faculty directory, because I've been calling him "sir" this whole time.


--Cross Campus

DOES NOT COMPUTE

Gay guy: I had a twin. It died really early. I ate it...what if it was a girl?
Guy: Well at least you ate pussy once in your life.
Gay gay, speechless: Buhh...

I bet you got STDs that hadn't even been DISCOVERED yet.

Guy to suitemate: Oh man, I bet when you went by yourself to your prom, the girls were all on you like flies on shit!

"I'll have what she's reading."

Gay Guy: Do you masturbate?
Girl: Are you kidding? Like five times a night. I'll be reading and think, "Hmm" then masturbate...and fall asleep.