I don't think Ayn Rand would appreciate that.

Young Female Boss: Are you reading naked lady books?...What they call art.


--Drummond St, London

Well we're not ALL department store security guards.

Black Girl looks at a Mac-Cam self portrait in a dimly lit room and exclaims:

Black Girl: Wait, you can't see me!



--Hawaii

Shana soon realized that the percocets had indeed kicked in.

Sane New Haven Lady: That's not what the squirrels told me!

And I was like "Dad!"

British Girl: Yeah, and then he used his crotch as leverage against my back.


--Punk Night Club

I hear she keeps a tiny chemist in there to synthesize shit for her.

Guy #1: So the tests on why Amy Winehouse is sick were "inconclusive"...I'm going to say it's...what? Heroin?
Guy #2: I think it's that great big hair-do.


--Drummond St., Camden, London

Like in "There's Something About Mary"?

During reunion weekend; group of forty-something alumni on Cross Campus.

Woman #1: The problem with Bill* is he has womanizing in his background.
Woman #2: Yeah, he has zipper problems.

To your morning coffee, I guess.

Passenger: This was Gov. Rell's plan.
Loud Conductor: Yeah he's an idiot.
Passenger: Umm... yeah. I guess SHE is.
Conductor: Yeah, he wanted to dismantle the trains and then order news ones and
then build them.
Passenger, trying to be polite: Yeah on and on, ad nauseum.
Conductor: Add nauseum to what?


- Metro-North

That's why you call "Merry Maids"!

Girl #1: So I was fucking this guy and then I just turned around and did it in the butt.
Girl #2: ...
Girl #1: I do put in the effort on the first time.

Frosty! Take off the goddman hat!

Drunk Brit: You're the palest girl I've ever seen.
Yale Girl: Uh...thanks.
Drunk Brit: Are you Irish?
Yale Girl: No.
Drunk Brit: Well, you look good. Could give a snowman a boner.


--McDonalds, London

Ah, but our's was restored to how it looked FIFTY YEAAARS AGO!

British Guy: And then your realize that the building is older than your fucking country.


--London

Wait...which of you is doing the leaking?

Girl: So we're all ready to interview her and she bursts out of her dressing room, crying, and says, "My boyfriend just left me with anal leakage!"


--The Metro Club, London

But it helps.

Professor: You don't need to be a philosopher king to read Lolita and not want to be a pedophile.


--Philosophy Class

Lest the situation become sticky.

Student: (discussing Aristotelian Telos) so when Frank reaches his climax...
Professor: Hehehe, let's leave Frank's climax out of this.


--Philosophy Class

...for human flesh.

(Watching a plastic surgery show)
Guy: It's weird. Whenever I watch surgery I get hungry.


--London, UK