You know I DO like your socks, actually.

Pasty White Nerd to lab partner: Who got the right answer? Who got the right answer, muthafucka? It's called ballin' at the gym, it's called ballin' at the gym! Do you like my brilliance or no? Do you know why I know? Do you know why I know? Cuz I'm a geeeeeeeenius muthafucka. Do you like my socks? Ahhhhh [whispered crowd roar].


--Bass Computer Cluster

Lisa Frank will END you.

Yale Guy: I don't believe in love. It's like gel pens and notebooks with horses on the cover...the province of 13-year old girls and capitalists.

I think it is allowed for you to get nake-nake, though.

Cute Professor (begins taking off bowtie): Excuse me I am just going to remove my bowtie. Don't worry I'm not getting undressed.
Yale Girl:...
Cute Professor: That's better.
[they talk about class]
Cute Professor: Goodness is it hot in here, or it just me? (Takes off sweater). Don't worry, I'm not getting undressed. I think that is against the rules.
Yale Girl:...


--Office Hours

Who HASN'T had this happen?

Guy: So a bunch of hipsters followed me back to my room last night, at like 1:30.
Girl: Did you know who they were?
Guy: No. And they stayed for an hour and drank my whiskey. I was kind of displeased about it.

Yale Police: "Maintaining constant vigilance...when we feel like it."

You did this with Obama?

Three drunken Yale guys enter a single bathroom stall and close the door:

Drunk Yale Guy #1: Okay, whip it out.
Drunk Yale Guy #2: That's the biggest horse dick I've ever seen!
Drunk Yale Guy #3: No, but wait, don't tell anybody.
Drunk Yale Guy #1: Oh wait, can I touch it?
Drunk Yale Guy #2: This is even better than Obama!!

Oh, I thought you said "Huggies"

Bro-ish guy: Did you wear snuggies to class?
Less bro-ish guy (quietly): How do you know what snuggies are?
Bro-ish guy (loudly): Everyone knows what snuggies are!

By YOU! Here's my NUMBER!

Overeager FOOT leader: Hey you! Apply for FOOT!
Angry Asian: I'd rather be SODOMIZED!


--Cross Campus

I always get my totally useless classes confused.

Professor: Everyone is here for"Animals in the American Novel", right?
(Confused Stares)
Professor: Well, if you're here for another class feel free to leave...so this is American Studies 406. Wait. This is the disabilities class isn't it? Animals is my other class.


--WLH

But I've been trying to tell you to get tested!

Guy: Where have you been? I haven't seen you in forever!
Girl, dead serious: Well... I've been busy not answering your calls.

"Well then...Obama!!!"

Car veers around corner, almost hitting Yalie on sidewalk.

Yalie: Jesus Christ!!!
American in next car coming around corner: Not gonna help you!


--Jerusalem

I killed them all, you see.

40-something Woman on Date: I mean, we're quite a couple, right? Like, I'm probably never going to meet your family, and you're definitely never going to meet my family.


--Atticus

I like big ideas and questionable viewpoints.

Guy: Dang, this teacher talks like Hitler. Awesome!


--Spanish Class

Someone's been keeping up.

Asian Girl: I mean, she's pretty white. She likes Craisins and stuff.


--Temple St.

I'm so excited! I'm so SCARED!

Stressed-Out Girl: I skipped my classes today because I just really needed a break.

--SY Dining Hall, First day of classes.

Heck, go right now. I'll pay for your ticket.

Guy #1: What did you think of Beijing?
Girl: Well...I'm glad I went but sometimes it was hard to live there. It's really smoky and...
Guy #1: Polluted?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy #2: (looking up from newspaper) Pshaw!
Girl: Uhh?
Guy #2: If your only impression of Beijing was that it was smoky and polluted, I feel like...you must not have seen it. It has incredible avant-garde art centers - and the dance clubs - the dance club scene in Shanghai is pretty good but the one in Beijing is much better. And it's so rebellious - I went to this art gallery, and there was a picture of, like, sheep...I mean, sheep in
Tiananmen Square. I can't tell you how rebellious that is - that's like, really rebellious.
Girl: Oh.
Guy #2: Did you take the subway?
Girl: Is there much of a subway? I couldn't -
Guy #2: (laughs) Did you just hear that? There's the problem. I asked her if she took the subway and she says, There's a subway?
Guy #1: Right, ha.
Guy #2: Is there a subway, wow. Wow. I loved it. I'm going back there next
year, for a whole year.
Girl: Have fun with that.

--Dean's Office

What about plagerized ones?

From FORMAC Syllabus: Late papers will be penalized. Boring papers will not be accepted at all.

Oh that is just PERFECT.

Guy: Do you know what a roofie is?
Girl: Uh...no.
Guy: (Laughs)

He took the brunt of the fall, you see?

Guy (About skydiving): But you went tandem right?
Woman: Yeah, yeah. I went tandem but, uh, the instructor that went tandem with me is, uh, actually now dead.


--Richter's

Jenny 's Sociology advisor was less than impressed.

Freshman Girl: I know something about Mexican culture: You get pregnant in high school and don't get married, as the case may be.


--York St. Noodle

Let's take a look, shall we.

Here is an image from a press conference held by Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich held today, the same day he became the first governor in Illinois’s history to be impeached.
Let's take a closer look. Is that a small child passed out on the floor? What's with the other kid? Check out the old mens' expressions. Even all the women seem to hate him (despite his hair).

Dear UPS,

I would appreciate it if you could arrange my delivery of breakable wine glasses, etc. in a manner that ensures that any attempt to open my door will result in their immediate destruction.

Thanks.

Don't you get it!? I have low standards!

Boyfriend: I think Penelope Cruz is cute when she talks in Spanish, but find her kind of annoying in English.
Girlfriend: I could say the same about you.
Boyfriend: You've never heard me speak Spanish...
Girlfriend: That's what I'm saying!

--The Graduate Club