But they kept stuffing money in their ears and singing Flo-Rida songs.

Yalie #1: So you have a job?
Yalie #2: Yeah. In NYC. Banking.
Yalie #1: You're a music major!
Yalie #2: I know! I tried to tell them that.

--Coffee Shop

Only if we talk about the symbolic implications of "smores"

Random guy to friend: But what if you consider inner city graffiti to be an artistic aspect of the post-Harlem Renaissance African diaspora?
Durfee's employee: What if you shut up and pay for your damn pop tart?

I've got one on right now, in fact.

Flower Lady: I always wear a condom. You gotta buy the nice ones and don't let him trick you.


--Chapel St.

Udon Noodles are my Crack

Guy: Homeless people don't want food, they want crack money!


--York St. Noodle

This is a game where everybody loses.

Guy: I think that's another problem with being at Yale. People are even competitive at being socially well-adjusted. It's just terrifying.

The back of my hand is going to be associated with your face in a second.

Girl: They go to Walmart -- I don't wanna be associated with the working class!

Immaculate conception is kinky.

Dr. Ruth: So Mr. Playwright did your play have any sex in it?
Thespian: No, unfortunately...
Dr. Ruth: What!? No sex?!
Thespian: It was a good old-fashioned musical...
Dr. Ruth: What kind of musical doesn't have sex?
Thespian: It was about Jesus!

Guy: I think I've conquered sleep. It's like... I'm the master of the Sleepy Hallows.

Avatar roleplay?

Gay Guy #1: Why was my penis blue this morning?
Gay Guy #2: It wasn't blue?
Gay Guy #1: It was slightly blue.

Enjoy that while you can.

Boss Lady on phone: So are you part of England or the United States... Oh! You're Canadian!

Now let's get you some espresso!

Ridiculously Dorky Dad: What's the opposite of right?
Five-year-old Daughter: . . . Left?
Ridiculously Dorky Dad: No! I mean right as in "moral imperative"?
Five-year-old Daughter: . . . Up or down?
Ridiculously Dorky Dad: No! The answer is wrong. But that's okay, you're still the smartest girl in your class.
Five-year-old Daughter (really sad): Second-smartest.
Ridiculously Dorky Dad: Well, your synapses are still molding.


--Starbucks

And accidentally makes an origami crane. Discuss.

Professor with hilarious accent: Suppose that someone accidentally grab your assignment from my mailbox. And that person is intending to make a paper airplane.

But it def gave you HPV

Girl: Yale did not get you pregnant.


--Welch

And I've never been more turned on.

Girl: When I look into his eyes it's like I'm looking into the eyes of a serial killer. Like, I see him wearing his mother-- not his mothers clothes-- but his mother.


--Welch

They raped him just to prove him wrong.

Girls are out running on the bike trail and a guy on a bike rides by.

Guy: Y'all are gonna get raped as FUCK!

I'd be pretty intimidated by the "Butt-Steelers"

Guy: You ever notice that you can put "butt" in front of most football team names and it usually works? Butt-Raiders, Butt-Packers... well, Redskin-Butts. That would go after....


--Trumbull Dining Hall

I'm going out tonight and all my cute ones are dirty.

Guy on the phone: Hey man, can I borrow your underwear?


--Leaving Malone Science Lab

Hiawatha or tech support?

Girl: The reading for this week...
Guy: What? Good? Bad?
Girl: Terrible (sigh) I hate Indians.


--LC

Because that would be almost TOO easy.

Senior #1: Where you guys headed?
Senior #2: "Genesis and Coll"... I dunno.
Senior #3: Something something something gut
Senior #1: Why don't you guys take some real classes. At Yale.


--Outside SSS

There is such a thing as TOO accepting

Yale Mom: I'm glad you had some excitement in the men's bathroom tonight!

5 years of therapy in one sentence

Gay guy: I was fingering this girl and watching Lilo and Stitch...

Is that still a hate crime?

Gay guy: Can you hold my cigarette? I need to beat a lesbian down.

Yes, in other states they sell beer at CVS. Jealous much?

Gay Guy: Is charging condoms, lube and beer from CVS onto your parents' credit card trashy. Wait, phrasing that answered my own question... Or is that only because I got the big bottle of lube to be COST EFFECTIVE. I die.

It's hard to tell if that's a good thing or not...

Guy: Maybe if you behave I'll make you deerburger tomorrow.

We can tell who wears the Prada in this relatioship.

Gay guy #1: We're such an old married couple,
Gay guy #2: What?
Gay guy #1: Well maybe a young married couple.
Gay guy #2: You think so?
Gay guy #1: Well, more just like the couple in the Devil Wears Prada.
Gay guy #2: Which one of us is Anne Hathaway?
Gay guy #1: You're the one who just got a job!