Yeah, I stole them from a bitch I shived.

Girl to Guy #1: What’s up with the scruffy beard? Reading week?
Guy #1: I’m just a thug.
Guy #2: He actually killed someone last night. Straight up popped a cap. For being late with $20.

(awkward pause)

Girl to Guy #1: Hey, are those squash shoes you’re wearing?


--Elm St.