And sometimes we just forget to eat.

Grandma drinking straight bourbon while on phone with granddaughter: Yes, we always eat a little later up in Northern Virginia. First we get BOMBED, then we eat a little later.


--Virginia

I don't not like them...Damn!

Yalie's bro: I don't like redundancy either.
3-year-old: Do you like pink blankies?


--Texas

No. I am.

3-year-old: My tongue is not a banana.


--Texas

Ayn Rand was never a hit at parties.

Drunk Girl (sitting in other's lap): Tell me....tell me more....
Slightly Less Drunk Girl: I will nourish you with the philosophy lactating from my teat.


--Indiana

I've got bling on the soles of my shoes.

Mom: Wow, you get really lecherous looks from black men.
Yale girl: Yeah, I swore off white boys. Who am I to blow against the wind?


--Philadelphia

So then I smacked her and kicked her and made her my BITCH!

Yale Guy (recounting Toad's experience): I had been dancing with this girl, but then I went to the bathroom. And when I came back, she didn't want to dance with me anymore. Even though I had swung her, and dipped her, and made her my woman.


--Silliman

Woot.

We got another quote on overheardeverywhere.com.

It's a Christmas miracle.

See it here.

So I'm gonna keep barking up that tree.

Girl: Maybe she really is bi but just wasn't into me.


--Pierson

Tila must retain her air of mystery!

Dude: But what if she becomes a fan of the fucking cock and tells someone?


--Bar bathroom

He definitely got the email (see below)

Guy: It's weird being in this library and having clothes on.


--Bass Library

What exactly were they DOING?

Guy: What are the animals that are like llamas but aren't. Not alpacas but...?
Girl: Emus?
Guy: No, those are the big birds with weird feathers.
Girl: When I think of emus all I can think of is porn.
Guy: WHAT?
Girl: In seventh grade on a field trip we saw emu porn on TV at the hotel. It was terrible.


--The Elmhurst

I'm trying to make it stay like that.

White girl #1: Hey, you look really Chinese right now?
White girl #2 (excited): Really?! Thanks!


--Lynwood

The excess radiation explains my brother's 12 fingers.

Girl: It was gigantic. My Mom had one of the first cell phones ever. She won it in a radio show.


--The Lynwood

How many licks does it to get to the center of a Yale girl's vices?

Gayalie: Lauren*, I'm unsure whether booze is your gateway to guys or vice-versa.
Yale Girl: It's a valid question my friend and, given that I'm unlikely to give up the abuse of either, the world may never know the answer.


--York St.

I thought that was our 'safe word'?

Yale Girl: Jeremy, can you move your chair so I can get out?
Stupid Harvard Boy: What's the password!?
Yale Girl: uh, "please"?
Stupid Harvard Boy: No. (looks disappointed) It was "spaghetti-spaghetti pizza"...


--Paris, France

"Belligerence": the new energy drink from Jim Bean

Drunk Guy: Man, this coke and bourbon has so much caffeine in it.
High Girl: Bourbon has caffeine in it?!


- Silliman

Streaking professionally!?

Asian guy: Did you get my e-mail earlier this week?
White Guy: Yeah, isn't it gonna be cold?
Asian Guy: Wait, what?
White guy: About the run this weekend....(lowers voice) the naked run.
Asian Guy: No! The one about the job.
White guy: Oh!...Yeah...I got that one.


--A1

Because of...uh...all the cute boys paying the check.

Girl #1: See! There is totally a charge minimum here.
Girl #2: Really!? Maybe I just...never...had a problem.


--A1

So I ate to kill the crying.

Girl 1: Yeah, guys can be such asses.
Girl 2: Seriously..my DAD used to call me FATSO!
(Entire group gasps loudly)


--College St.

I roll MILITANT!

Black Girl (yelling): No! That is not how I "PROCEED." It is how I "ROLL". How I "ROLL." The movement. Don't you try to impose your hegemonic vocabulary on me!
Black Guy: Uh...


--Cross Campus

Who knew in Michigan you can't drive schwasted?

Preppy Guy: It was really "informative" when I got my Michigan lawyer after I got arrested for drunk driving.


--Elm St. and Park St.

Nothing, just go play with something sparkly.

Boyfriend: Well she's not an athlete and she got into Yale. She must be somewhat smart.
Roommate: Good point.
Athlete Girlfriend (oblivious): Well, if you have enough money you can get in.
(Boyfriend and Roommate laugh)
Athlete Girlfriend: What? I didn't hear what he said.


--The Elmhurst

Purge 'till you can't feel feelings.

Big Girl: I dont know what to do. They put me on prednisone for my athsma and I gained 6 lbs in three fucking days...


--Wall St.

But only in the butt

(After Screw)
Drunk guy: Will you sleep with me?
His date: No...I'm not like that.
Drunk guy: Please....
His date: OK.


--Bingham

Watch me crank that Soulja Boy/Then bursar that bitch!

Drunk guy: And I need condoms.
Durfee's lady: The Magnums? You sure?
Drunk guy: I don't know, what do you think?
Durfee's lday: I don't know, if they're too big, they'll slip.
Drunk guy: You don't know shit about me!
(pause)
Drunk guy: I'll take the blue ones. And the red ones.


--Durfee's