Why do you think THAT is?

Indian Girl: There are a lot of black people here...I'm just sayin'.


--Shades Singing Desert, AfAm House

That is the OPPOSITE of what is good!

Dining Hall Worker: What kind of girls do you like?
11-yr-old boy: Errrrrr....no girls.
Dining Hall Worker: I know! They gotta have a big ass and big boobs and a BIG smile.
11-yr-old boy: NOOO!


--HGS Dining Hall

I think you just did. Punked!

Girl: I love Hibachi. I think I could eat Hibachi poop.


--Kumo Restaurant, New Haven

Bill is the Form of "henpecked"

Professor: Plato was Hillary Clinton!

--Poli Sci building

Eli Yale would be proud.

Professor: It is worth noting that North Korea's "No Dong" missile has a range of over...
Class, almost all athletes, raucously: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


--Law Auditorium

Biblical Marriage Blows.

Senior Yalie: So were Joseph and Mary actually married before the annunciation, or were they just like, you know, dating?
Professor: It's more like they were betrothed.
Senior Yalie: So they hadn't done it yet.
Professor: No...that's why we call her the Virgin Mary.
Senior Yalie: Okay, but how did Joseph react to the fact that the Holy Spirit was Mary's baby-daddy?

(pause).

Professor: I doubt he was pleased.

--College Seminar

And now I just use it to hang my head in shame...

Yale Senior: (disdainfully looking at the freshmen around her in the dining hall) When I was a freshman, I wore my Yale lanyard for two whole months.

(pause)

(Obviously distressed) What was I thinking?!?!?!

--SY Dining Hall

A whole new kind of 'shopping'

Guy [to Girl]: Hey, this is the guy who was interested in CogSci.
Girl [to Gay Guy]: Oh cool! How did you like it?
Gay Guy: I loved it, but I also thought the professor was smokin'...

Check out The West at Yale

And it depressed me depressed

YDN 09/04/08 article on Thailand: "...a clash in the streets between his supporters and opponents killed one person dead and injured more than three dozen injured."

You mean even when you're fat and lonely?

Freshman Girl: The thing about food is...even when everything else is crap...you can still eat.


--Outside Saybrook Dining Hall

And I would hang out by the docks.

British Girl: If a barnacle were the size of a human its penis would be the size of the column at Trafalgar Square.


--Trafalgar Square, London

Oh lord...thank you for Hennessy.

Random Townie (singing, slowly, with feeling): Kumbayah my lord.... kumbayah... kumbayah...

--Crown St.

No, it's just an elaborate Pundits prank

Lost Freshman: Is this... WLH?

- In the doorway of WLH

Rich is rich, scabies or not.

Townie: I'm going to get rich by living in a homeless shelter. I won't have to pay rent!

Just head up Elm St. about 10 blocks and look for yourself.

Freshman girl walking out of a princess suite in Welch, disdainfully: "Are ALL of the dorms here this ghetto?"


--Old Campus

Two words: Dumpster baby

Yale Girl (talking about interning for a serial killer): It's useful for girls our size to know how to dispose of bodies.
Sketchy Yale Girl: That would be so perfect.


--Yorkside

Renaming it isn't going to make your clam itch less.

Co-worker to self as she returns from bathroom: "Oyster herpes!"


--New Haven

So Morse is the cute preggers Palin and Stiles is the one with down syndrome.

Morse girl 1: Morse and Stiles are like twins but Stiles is the fatter one with
the awkward mole.
Morse girl 2: Morse is like that girl all the guys want but the girls are like,
why do you like her she's not even cute, but then the guys are like no she's
totally hot.
Morse Girl 1: Basically, Morse is stacked.
Morse Girl 2: Essentially Morse is that twin on the pill. Stiles isn't getting
around too much.

Mr. Schneider?

(Voicemail left for Yalie)

Yale Girl: I saw so many dicks you WISH you'd seen you GAY MOTHERFUCKER!....I'm not being homophobic!!...This is Rob
Rob: Hi there....

Heyo for Handsome Dan!

(At a crazy LA party)

Old Guy: Do you know who this is? she goes to YALE.
Pornstar: WHAT?
Old Guy: YALE. do you know what that is?
Pornstar: Ya! COKE!

...like when I was on "Days of our Lives."

Yale Girl: so what's the party gonna be like?
60-year-old Guy: I always hope that these things will end with massive orgies and unplanned pregnancies and deaths from drug overdoses the next day...but people aren't fun like that anymore.


--LA

"How I Spent my Summer Vacation: Midwest Edition"

(Guy starts pouring Jaeger into beer pong cups because they have run out of beer).

Girl: Dude, we are not playing pong with Jaeger.
Guy: Oh come on, it's just a splash.
Girl: Bullshit! That's like when a guy says ' it's just the tip ' !!

(Other girl in the room runs over, laughing and crying. The two girls share a long embrace).

Discussion of ceramic rooster souvenirs can be awkward.

(American is sitting having lunch with a Portugese family)

Portugese Girl: Mark*...your cock...it is very nice.
Mark*: (Spits out his food at the table)


--Barcelos, Portugal

It's The Elmhurst, not 'Nam.

Summer Session Kid: Man, I can't wait to get home so I can smoke pot in a civilized environment.


-- Sushi on Chapel

And you're JUST as awkward as I expected.

Harvard Boy: Wow...you're much cuter than I would have expected a Yale girl to be.
Yale Girl: Um, thanks?

--Harvard-Yale Tailgate