Jim Morrison was a freak

(Scribbled on the wall in the men's bathroom)

"There are doors in the rudders of big ships."

"The doors swing both ways."

"The doors are perceptions."


--Richter's

At least it's not wearing a necklace.

Birthday Girl: I just had a very drunk moment even though I'm not very drunk. I just looked at the TV and there was a Dunkin Donuts commercial for "Holiday Decorated Donuts" and I was like "Oh yeah, Highly Decorated Donuts."


--Richter's

And crabs.

(Guy sees a pair of pants sitting on the ground)

Guy: Oooh! Look at the clothes. I should take them.
Girl: You can't do that! You know they're full of poison.


--Old Campus

I'm BIG Mama

(As her Dean walks close by)

Girl (loudly): My titties be poppin!


--Saybrook

Usually there's an awkward silence during a pelvic.

Lady Professor: I had a conversation yesterday with a friend...actually she's a gynecologist. She wanted to talk about movies.


--Whitney Humanities Center

Not a fan of the jiggle?

Girl 1: Hey, are you doing that Jello wrestling?
Girl 2: Oh, yeah.
Guy: What!?
Girl 2: Did I not tell you about that?
Guy: Uh, no!
Girl 2 (to Girl 1): Are you doing it?
Girl 1: HELL NO!


--Saybrook

She tried to quit but totally relapsed.

Girl: My teammate was Korean last year. Still is.


--WLH

...other than "get the implants".

Girl (to entire class): I'm Puerto Rican and Italian and I have smaller features than a lot of my Italian relatives. They've always said "This is unacceptable...you need breast implants!" And I'm ok with myself but they say "Oh, when you graduate from Yale we'll look into it" and I'm like no!
Teacher: Oh... go ahead Joe.
Joe: I completely forgot what I wanted to say.

(Class laughs uproariously)


--WLH

Which would YOU choose? (see survey to the right)

(In regards to the classic "If you could only have one for rest of your life which would you choose to give up: oral sex or cheese?)

Girlfriend: I'm surprised that you would give up oral sex instead of cheese? I thought you liked oral sex.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but I'd still give up the oral sex. I mean, no offense.
Girlfriend: I know, but you didn't even pause before answering.
Boyfriend: Well, they asked me earlier and I thought about it...Isn't it funny when people say "no offense" after something that's clearly offensive. It's so obnoxious.


--The Elmhurst

Like when I buy a REALLY big crack rock.

Girl #1: Where did you get your fake?

Girl #2: New York. The guy was a real sketchball but it was really easy.

Girl #1: Was it expensive?

Girl #2: Yeah, but I'm good for the next three years, so it's worth it.

Girl #1: Yeah. It's like when I buy a pair of expensive shoes. I figure if I pay like $200 for them and then I wear them like 50 times, it's worth it.

Girl #2: Yeah. exactly.

--HGS Bathroom

His scent, however, is unforgettable.

(An 11 person seminar is getting ready to leave on a field trip)

TA: Is everyone here?
Student: Where's Kenny?
TA: Oh, will someone call Kenny?
Professor: What's the problem?
TA: We're missing Kenny.
Professor (to Asst. Professor, in a hushed voice): I know neither the name nor the face of this person.


--New Haven Train Station

...And then they sent us to the DMZ.

South Korean Yalie: We have to speak to people older than us in a different language.
American Yalie: In...you mean verb form?
South Korean: Yes, language. I had to bow to my upperclassman in high school.
American Yalie: Oh.
South Korean Yalie: Or they hit us. With a mop.


--Saybrook

And math is my caboose. (drool)

Native English speaker who got a concussion at Toad's the night before: My written English is much better. My spoken English is bad. It's like, a different part of the train.


--CCL

Note to self: Purell doesn't kill scabies

Guy, to self, while using the hand sanitizer dispenser: Sex erection. Sex erection.


--Saybrook

Yeah, your eyes are all kinky.

Girl: So when you get high do you think about falling down the stairs or twisting your ankle. You know, like hurting yourself.
Guy: That's called being paranoid.
Girl: No, but when I do I always think the pain would be pleasurable. Like, if I twisted my ankle now it would feel really good.


--Elm St.

To shun or not to shun?

Guy: Well, he does have a lazy eye but he's a really great guy.


--Elm St.

Obviously.

Gay guy: So I was hanging out with this guy the other night and he asked me to go to his place. He was wasted and just blurted out "I have herpes". Then he went to the bathroom for a minute and came back and said, "Wow, I am so drunk. I shouldn't have said that."
Girl: So did you sleep with him?


--The Lynwood

Oh I'm ALWAYS doing that.

Girl 1: That's bad luck!
Girl 2: What's bad luck?
Girl 1: Putting purses on your floor. You might as well put your menstrual blood on your face.


--The Lynwood

I'm the one y'all hate to smell.

Girl: And if you thought you could laugh at me, I'm not very gassy!


--Pacifico

Parents' attention was 100% on your pee, eh?

Guy: It's OK, I'll turn the water on while you pee.
Girl: Thanks, I have really bad stage fright since I'm an only child.


--Saybrook Bathroom

And then BOOM all over the couch.

Girl: I haven't peed since, like, 8pm!


--Pacifico 1am

Platapussy?

(After entire group has licked a strawberry flavored dental dam)

High Girl: It smells like strawberry wafers.
High Guy: Yeah the Japanese kind.
High Girl: Poki!
High Guy: Have you even had Hello Pandas and Koala Yummies?


--The Elmhurst

It's a lesson she'll never forget!

Yalie's Brother: One of my professors brought his 9-year-old daughter to class and told the class in front of the girl that the only reason he married his wife was the kid.


--The Elmhurst

We keep the spark alive.

Guy: I see you update your relationship status on Facebook every other day! I'm like "Oh no, they broke up again!"
Girl: Um...yeah.


--The Elmhurst

You mean like a bitch, bitch?

Girl: Have you noticed that when a person gets to a warm place after walking fast in the cold they smell like wet dog?
Guy next to her who has done exactly this: What!?
Girl: Just for a little bit!


--The Elmhurst