A different point of view I guess.

5-year-old boy: Yeah! Yeah, get him! Hit him in the wiener!


--Vermont-Air Force hockey game

Roommate: "I once had that happen outside Ben & Jerry's"

Bro to roommate: We were walking home from Toad's, and I couldn't remember her name...thank God we walked by Ashley's and she said, "OMG, everyone thinks that's my ice cream store."

Is this recompense for the Three-fifths compromise?

Black professor to black student: ...so I hold you to a different standard than the white students.
Nearby white student: ....
Professor to white student: Except for you. Because you're from Michigan.


--Department of AfAm Studies

We'll be abe to organize our study groups around practice. Score!

Football Player 1: (Walking in) Dude, like the whole team's here!
Football Player 2: Every team is here. This is going to be a good class.


--First day of Intro to American Politics, 400+ kids in LC 101

I can ROCK mediocrity.

YLS Student: When you come to Yale, you're like, I don't know if I'm smart enough to do important things. But then you see the stupidity of the people doing important things and it's like, put me in there.

But it does explain Twitter.

Girl on Phone: It's just a bunch of memorization about monkeys. Monkeys who evolve. It's so retarded.


--Thain Cafe

How do I get in that ROOM!!?

Dude 1: Dude, several times I've been in a room in which she's fucked every guy in the room.
Dude 2: .... GOOD GOD!!!!

Just work on your six pack...and your piety.

Old Hippie Bum: Yo, yo! if Jesus had a sister, I swear she woulda looked just like you!

--San Francisco

And fall into the arms of their, like, nannies.

Female undergrad: I, like, don't ever think about, like, the steps leading up to having children. I just, like, imagine that all of the sudden they'll just, like, appear in their sweater-vests.


--Slifka

And that hyper bunny in the Nesquik ads would finally make sense.

Girl 1, opening chocolate syrup bottle: Ah! It's coming in my face!
Girl 2: Wow, that was awkward.
Girl 1: Wait... what if cum actually tasted like--
Girl 2: Chocolate syrup?!? OMG the world would be SUCH a great place!


--Morse Dining Hall

Totally, just infidels.

Guy: ...If people joined the terrorist group, we wouldn't want them to think we were hurting decent people.


--Commons

And woke up sticky...

Roommate 1: I jerked off so hard this morning...what did you do today?
Roommate 2: I slept in.

Bear home invasions are on the rise.

Calhoun Construction Worker: Yo, I was watching the Animal Channel yesterday, and bears be fuckin' up people, man!

"¡Ándale! ¡Ándale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba!"

Yalie's Drunk little brother: Donde estan las putas? (Where are the bitches?)
Group of 3 effeminate Mexicans: Somos las putas! (We're the bitches!)

The life expectancy of the average URI male is 48 years

URI Girl #1: So did you hear, Alpha Chi got in big trouble?
URI Girl #2: Yeah, they can't start up until all of their pledges are dead.
URI Girl #1: Dead? Do you mean graduated?
URI Girl #2: No dead, like 30 years from now.

I consider myself a member of the White Nation

Hoochie 14-year-old Daughter filling out immigration form: What do I put for nationality?
Hoochie Mother: Caucasian
Hoochie Daughter: How do you spell that?
Hoochie Mother: C-A-U-C-A-S-I-O-N

BURNED! Get back on the FUCKING bus!

Teacher to elementary schoolers on field trip: All these buildings look pretty old, huh?
Kids, staring up in awe: Yeah!
Teacher: WELL THEY'RE NOT.


--Outside Sterling

And you'd be on...Craiglist.

Bedraggled Homeless Man: Girl, if they sold women online, you’d be on AMAZON.COM!

--Venice Beach, CA

Let's not even go into his feelings about RNs!

Guy: Remember the last time he was here when he said he wanted to kill all the nurses!?
Mom: Yeah...he's nice.

But I wanted to give you a call just in case you did.

Voicemail from Male Athlete: I just picked up a voicemail from you from a month ago where you're talking about getting a rim job. It didn't sound like you meant to leave the message.

I want to try!

Girl #1: Once I had *Dave let me pee him.
Girl #2: What do you mean?
Girl #1: I held his penis in my hand and then he peed and I directed it into the toilet.
Girl #2: Oh. My. God.

Yeah, the wild Tazmanian Buttsex

[At a Society interview]

Interviewer: If you had to have sex with an animal, what type would it be?
Interviewee (without hesitation): Buttsex.
Interviewer: Um....what type of animal would it be, not what type of sex.

Barbara: "Who needs Paris. The only thing bigger than her feet is her vag."

Guy: You don't like celebrities?
Girl: But they're not fun celebrities like Paris Hilton they're boring celebrities like Barbara Walters.

It's true. No joke.

High Guy: Those crab snacker things were so disgusting. How did they become delicious in 10 minutes?
High Girl: Because she ran out of prunes, that's why.

Then I'll poke him. In the EYEBALL!

[About Facebook]

High Girl #1: You friend from recognition impulses.
High Girl #2: You're like, "I know him and I hate him but I can't help it!"

And then I JIZZED IN MY PANTS

[In anticipation of the recent snowstorm]

Ornithology Professor: I'll I can say is that the birding is going to be fucking amazing.

Let us all give thanks for spring break.

Sober Girl: But it's a Wednesday!
High Girl: Well. *Sarah. Sometimes I like to party.
High Guy: Don't you have a paper due tomorrow you haven't started?

Honestly, I'm ankles-over-the-shoulders for tea.

Bass Drag Queen: My friends bring me tea from around the world because they know I'm a big tea whore!


--Bass Library

www.fmylife.com

''

Today, I got accepted to Yale University. My parents response: "We never expected you to get into college. We spent all of our savings on sending your brother to school." FML

"

From fmylife.com