Enjoy that while you can.

Boss Lady on phone: So are you part of England or the United States... Oh! You're Canadian!

Now let's get you some espresso!

Ridiculously Dorky Dad: What's the opposite of right?
Five-year-old Daughter: . . . Left?
Ridiculously Dorky Dad: No! I mean right as in "moral imperative"?
Five-year-old Daughter: . . . Up or down?
Ridiculously Dorky Dad: No! The answer is wrong. But that's okay, you're still the smartest girl in your class.
Five-year-old Daughter (really sad): Second-smartest.
Ridiculously Dorky Dad: Well, your synapses are still molding.


--Starbucks

And accidentally makes an origami crane. Discuss.

Professor with hilarious accent: Suppose that someone accidentally grab your assignment from my mailbox. And that person is intending to make a paper airplane.

But it def gave you HPV

Girl: Yale did not get you pregnant.


--Welch

And I've never been more turned on.

Girl: When I look into his eyes it's like I'm looking into the eyes of a serial killer. Like, I see him wearing his mother-- not his mothers clothes-- but his mother.


--Welch

They raped him just to prove him wrong.

Girls are out running on the bike trail and a guy on a bike rides by.

Guy: Y'all are gonna get raped as FUCK!

I'd be pretty intimidated by the "Butt-Steelers"

Guy: You ever notice that you can put "butt" in front of most football team names and it usually works? Butt-Raiders, Butt-Packers... well, Redskin-Butts. That would go after....


--Trumbull Dining Hall