Lesbians: Always On the Move!

Guy: You know when you rip up your room because you KNOW you have a cigarette. And you don't care if you just cleaned it you just tear it to pieces. Like a jealous lesbian looking for a love letter rips up her...U-Haul!

--The Women's Center

It was a delightful tableau

Girl: I had to go with them; they choked on the cat-shit fumes. Then they choked on the lavender spray I used to cover the cat-shit fumes.

--Lynwood

In that case it wasn't ME gagging MYSELF, obviously.

Girl: I can't make myself throw up! I have NO gag reflex.
Guy: Except for that time you threw up on *Matt's dick!
Cop Standing Close-By: (smiles)


--Elm St.

It's dedicated to Hillary Clinton erotica

Yale Girl: I think I'm addicted to porn. I've been watching so much. I just subscribed to a porn site last night.

--Morse Minitower

Who pooted in here?

Voicemail from Yale Girl: I assume you were just in our common room. I came out of the shower and I could smell you but you weren't here.

--Saybrook

A Halloween Nightmare

Drunk male dining hall services worker holding a can of beer in a paper bag to Yalie guy dressed as Gay Dumbledore.

Worker: Whooweee you good look'n!

--7pm, In front of Barnes and Noble

But dude, she looks like Pam from The Office

Yalie Guy on phone: Hey man you just hooked up with your cousin!...No YOUR cousin. You hooked up with your OWN COUSIN!


--On the way to Payne Whitney

I'm riding high on St. John's Wort.

Cranky Yalie: Do you have any prozac?
Morsel: Umm...no, I don't.

-Morse

I'm Old Gregg!

Guy: Wow, your hair seaweed seems real.
Scaly Man Fish: I know they look good!

--?

I'm already all over the Big Fucking Q.

Loud Yale Girl: I just did coke for the first time. It's awesome. I want to do it with you!

--Outside Toads

Gremlin, more like.

Roomate: Have you had enough my randy little cock-monster?

--Morse

Specifically, the quotation from Chaucer inked around my butthole. Genevive, please begin...

Professor: And for Lawrence, the genitals are a system of creative, generative power, the opposite of the center of destructive power in the body, the system of excretion. The ultimate transformative event, which Lawrence refers to in coded language on page 220, is the union of these two systems during anal sex.

In unison, the whole lecture hall looks up and goes utterly still and silent.

Professor: Now that I've got your attention, let's do a little close reading.

--English Class

What novel?

Professor: And we can see this return to nature at it's most extreme in the flood scene where Tom drowns.
Yalie: Tom DIES!?
Yale Professor: (sigh) I can see exactly how many of you are going to finish the novel by Wednesday.

--English Class

Jeez, how big is your poonani?

Yale Girl: I had the weirdest dream about you last night. For serious. It involved me birthing you... But you were in an egg. A really big egg. Well, the funny part is that when you cracked open, you oozed yolk everywhere and I was pissed because I like my eggs well done. I'm not making any of this up.

--Paris, France.

Not ironic. Not metaphorical. Just the truth. (for serious)

Yalie Guy: I didn't want Jack Nicholson to see the poo stain.

--Saybrook

The Yalie: Well heeled and Unreasonable

Yalie: If we pooled all of our trust funds we could buy a private island. They're not that expensive.

--Elm St.

I feel like that situation is self-perpetuating.

Girl: Why don't we have any black friends?

--Elm St.

Yeah, but I'm usually sleeping.

Boyfriend: *Cough*
Girlfriend: See, that's why I'm sick. You don't cover your mouth!
Boyfriend: Lauren*, I do a lot more than that to you.

--Elm St.

And sometimes it talks back to me...

Girl Yalie: Whoa! My butt is so big! Sometimes, I just see it and I'm like "Oh my God, it's huge."

--SY

I don't WANT you to know that!

Girl: I want you to fart so I can smell what the inside of you smells like.

-Yale

Oh, if only...

Yale girl: Your Axe can suck my dick!

--Elm St.

Like when the British smoke...poles.

Yalie 1: Why don't you sleep in his room?
Yalie 2: It smells bad.
Gayalie: What? Like his smell or like cologne?
Yalie 2: He uses something fruity...It smells like fag.

--Apt

At least...not since the operation.

Girl: Well, all I can say is when I'm walking down the street I don't feel MY clitoris banging around between my legs.

--Antropology Seminar

...then he immidiately crashed his car.

Asian man: Excuse me. I have question.
Yalie: Yeah.
Asian Man: Where is the baa? The baa? How get to the baa?
Yalie: To BAR? Is it called "BAR"
Asian man: The baa!
Yalie: Um, it's on Crown. Take a right and then a left on Crown.
Asian man: On Clown?....I take a light?


--Elm St.

Just like you and your latex paint fetish.

Girl 1: Incest in porn is great...it's hot...but when I think about my brothers I feel like I'm gonna puke.
Girl 2: ...
Girl 1: I don't search for it! It just comes up sometimes when I look for normal porn.

--Off-Campus B-day Party