Overheard at Yale

But they kept stuffing money in their ears and singing Flo-Rida songs.

2011-03-22T21:21:00.002-04:00

Yalie #1: So you have a job?
Yalie #2: Yeah. In NYC. Banking.
Yalie #1: You're a music major!
Yalie #2: I know! I tried to tell them that.

--Coffee Shop

Only if we talk about the symbolic implications of "smores"

2011-03-22T21:20:00.000-04:00

Random guy to friend: But what if you consider inner city graffiti to be an artistic aspect of the post-Harlem Renaissance African diaspora?
Durfee's employee: What if you shut up and pay for your damn pop tart?

I've got one on right now, in fact.

2010-09-14T13:38:00.001-04:00

Flower Lady: I always wear a condom. You gotta buy the nice ones and don't let him trick you.

--Chapel St.

Udon Noodles are my Crack

2010-09-07T15:18:00.000-04:00

Guy: Homeless people don't want food, they want crack money!

--York St. Noodle

This is a game where everybody loses.

2010-06-16T21:32:00.001-04:00

Guy: I think that's another problem with being at Yale. People are even competitive at being socially well-adjusted. It's just terrifying.

The back of my hand is going to be associated with your face in a second.

2010-06-16T21:31:00.001-04:00

Girl: They go to Walmart -- I don't wanna be associated with the working class!

Immaculate conception is kinky.

2010-06-16T21:29:00.000-04:00

Dr. Ruth: So Mr. Playwright did your play have any sex in it?
Thespian: No, unfortunately...
Dr. Ruth: What!? No sex?!
Thespian: It was a good old-fashioned musical...
Dr. Ruth: What kind of musical doesn't have sex?
Thespian: It was about Jesus!

2010-06-16T21:28:00.000-04:00

Guy: I think I've conquered sleep. It's like... I'm the master of the Sleepy Hallows.

Avatar roleplay?

2010-04-03T16:08:00.003-04:00

Gay Guy #1: Why was my penis blue this morning?
Gay Guy #2: It wasn't blue?
Gay Guy #1: It was slightly blue.

Enjoy that while you can.

2010-03-09T11:44:00.001-05:00

Boss Lady on phone: So are you part of England or the United States... Oh! You're Canadian!

Now let's get you some espresso!

2010-03-08T11:49:00.002-05:00

Ridiculously Dorky Dad: What's the opposite of right?
Five-year-old Daughter: . . . Left?
Ridiculously Dorky Dad: No! I mean right as in "moral imperative"?
Five-year-old Daughter: . . . Up or down?
Ridiculously Dorky Dad: No! The answer is wrong. But that's okay, you're still the smartest girl in your class.
Five-year-old Daughter (really sad): Second-smartest.
Ridiculously Dorky Dad: Well, your synapses are still molding.

--Starbucks

And accidentally makes an origami crane. Discuss.

2010-03-08T11:47:00.001-05:00

Professor with hilarious accent: Suppose that someone accidentally grab your assignment from my mailbox. And that person is intending to make a paper airplane.

But it def gave you HPV

2010-03-08T11:46:00.001-05:00

Girl: Yale did not get you pregnant.

--Welch

And I've never been more turned on.

2010-03-08T11:44:00.001-05:00

Girl: When I look into his eyes it's like I'm looking into the eyes of a serial killer. Like, I see him wearing his mother-- not his mothers clothes-- but his mother.

--Welch

They raped him just to prove him wrong.

2010-03-08T11:43:00.000-05:00

Girls are out running on the bike trail and a guy on a bike rides by.

Guy: Y'all are gonna get raped as FUCK!

I'd be pretty intimidated by the "Butt-Steelers"

2010-03-08T11:42:00.001-05:00

Guy: You ever notice that you can put "butt" in front of most football team names and it usually works? Butt-Raiders, Butt-Packers... well, Redskin-Butts. That would go after....

--Trumbull Dining Hall

I'm going out tonight and all my cute ones are dirty.

2010-02-03T13:45:00.002-05:00

Guy on the phone: Hey man, can I borrow your underwear?

--Leaving Malone Science Lab

Hiawatha or tech support?

2010-02-03T13:42:00.001-05:00

Girl: The reading for this week...
Guy: What? Good? Bad?
Girl: Terrible (sigh) I hate Indians.

--LC

Because that would be almost TOO easy.

2010-01-16T15:00:00.001-05:00

Senior #1: Where you guys headed?
Senior #2: "Genesis and Coll"... I dunno.
Senior #3: Something something something gut
Senior #1: Why don't you guys take some real classes. At Yale.

--Outside SSS

There is such a thing as TOO accepting

2010-01-16T14:59:00.001-05:00

Yale Mom: I'm glad you had some excitement in the men's bathroom tonight!

5 years of therapy in one sentence

2009-12-21T20:56:00.001-05:00

Gay guy: I was fingering this girl and watching Lilo and Stitch...

Is that still a hate crime?

2009-12-21T20:45:00.000-05:00

Gay guy: Can you hold my cigarette? I need to beat a lesbian down.

Yes, in other states they sell beer at CVS. Jealous much?

2009-12-21T20:41:00.001-05:00

Gay Guy: Is charging condoms, lube and beer from CVS onto your parents' credit card trashy. Wait, phrasing that answered my own question... Or is that only because I got the big bottle of lube to be COST EFFECTIVE. I die.

It's hard to tell if that's a good thing or not...

2009-12-21T20:15:00.000-05:00

Guy: Maybe if you behave I'll make you deerburger tomorrow.

We can tell who wears the Prada in this relatioship.

2009-12-21T20:13:00.002-05:00

Gay guy #1: We're such an old married couple,
Gay guy #2: What?
Gay guy #1: Well maybe a young married couple.
Gay guy #2: You think so?
Gay guy #1: Well, more just like the couple in the Devil Wears Prada.
Gay guy #2: Which one of us is Anne Hathaway?
Gay guy #1: You're the one who just got a job!

I don't follow. As opposed to what?

2009-12-21T20:12:00.001-05:00

Gay Guy: You're such a man. You're all: Charm. Charm. Charm. Pants off.

Can you remind yourself to shut up?

2009-12-21T20:11:00.000-05:00

Guy memorizing monologue: I remind myself of David Sedaris.

It's possible. Isn't it?

2009-12-21T20:07:00.001-05:00

Kid: How big are scorpions? Like this big? (holds out hands)
Dad: Some of them are pretty big.
Little Kid #2: Can they kill a tarantula?
Dad: Yeah.
Kid #1: Oh my god!
Kid #2: Can they kill a bear?

Our parents berated us well.

2009-12-21T20:06:00.001-05:00

Professor: I looked at your reading responses. It turns out that education is something that most of you know something about. It was nice to finally get one of those topics.

--Yale Law School

And dear God did I feel alive!

2009-12-21T20:04:00.001-05:00

Guy: Their urine smelled like sweat and hormones.

--JE Dining Hall

Third favorite thing: Overpriced local/organic food!

2009-12-21T20:01:00.002-05:00

Yalie #1: Oh, Blue State. Combining a young liberal's two favorite things: White guilt and coffee. Brilliant, in a horribly misguided way.
Yalie #2: They opened a crack store in a city full of addicts with daddy's money. Surprise, surprise, it's doing well! NOT IMPRESSIVE.

-Wall St.

It's certainly giant. There's no doubt about that.

2009-12-21T20:00:00.000-05:00

Girl 1: But I bet it's really sweet!
Girl 2: Fine. When we get home, I'll let you stick your finger in my giant cupcake.

--Trumbull dining hall

Then I want to get a girlfriend so I can get my kicks like a normal person.

2009-12-21T19:59:00.001-05:00

Frat guy playing Halo: You know what I want to do? I want to join the Yale pistol club so I can shoot a gun, and then I want to get a job, so I can buy a gun.

A female dictator? Why don't you just go buy some shoes and forget about it.

2009-12-21T19:58:00.001-05:00

Girl: I want a job with a lot of power and very little responsibility.... like a dictator...

And I only listen to it while slaying box.

2009-12-21T19:56:00.000-05:00

Girl at other table: It's really douchey when you can hear their rap music and all I wanna do is listen to Vivaldi but I can hear it through my headphones.
Guy, after overhearing her: I mean, I like classical music but nothing as trite as that...

--Davenport Dining Hall

And Golden Corral.

2009-11-16T04:17:00.003-05:00

Gay Guy: I don't believe in love. It's something for poor people to make them feel better about their lives. Like sobriety.

I'll bet Lady Gaga's computer dances...

2009-11-16T04:14:00.001-05:00

Stoned guy watching iTunes visualizer: It's how a computer would dance if a computer could dance.

Aren't they all equally random?

2009-11-16T04:13:00.001-05:00

Kid #1: That's the most random number ever. "Seventeen"
Kid #2: Yeah.

Let's not ask any women for their opinions, though.

2009-11-16T04:12:00.003-05:00

Gay Guy: If you don't have the guts to say "no" you SHOULD be raped.

Done and done.

2009-11-16T04:12:00.001-05:00

UVa Girl: I'm beautiful. Don't talk to me.

Sex is my weapon, guilt is my bear-trap.

2009-11-16T04:10:00.003-05:00

UVa girl: Freshman year my period was two weeks late. But I was obsessed with this guy and I was like "Yay!"

They are traditionally a gentle people.

2009-11-16T04:09:00.002-05:00

Girl (about her broken clavicle): There was a bear involved. By that I mean a large gay man.

You're either way too health conscious or way too NOT.

2009-11-16T04:08:00.001-05:00

Woman comparing boxes of cookies: How much protein in these?

--Ikea

How NOT to work through marital issues.

2009-11-16T04:06:00.001-05:00

Drunk Guy: There's one thing I regret about this world and it's you!
Drunk Lady: Yeah!
Yale Girl: Um...
Drunk Guy: You're too gorgeous.
Drunk Lady: Hey!

Intercourse induced stupidity

2009-11-16T04:05:00.001-05:00

Guy: In the morning we didn't remember each-others names.
Girl: 'Cause you had so much sex!?

At least there's ONE good thing about China.

2009-11-16T04:04:00.001-05:00

Guy: The good thing about China is that no one speaks English so the white people can't take over.

That's baby is f-ed either way!

2009-11-16T04:02:00.001-05:00

Guy: If you want to save a baby's life punch him right now.

It hides inside my polyester capri pants.

2009-11-16T04:01:00.000-05:00

Girl: I've discovered a secret love for Kohls.

I at least can't go before 1am

2009-11-16T04:00:00.002-05:00

Girl: I can't go to Toad's. I'm wearing crocs, I don't have my shirt, and I'm wearing someone else's pants.

--Outside Sigma Chi

Retail or wholesale?

2009-11-16T03:56:00.001-05:00

Econ Professor about the value of wildlife: What's the price of a bald eagle? What's the price of extra bears?

Hook up seven more times and it'll be like Hanukkah.

2009-11-16T03:55:00.000-05:00

A couple is hooking up loudly for several minutes.

Guy: "It's like Christmas!"

--Dport Dive

And the store feels freshly douched after having you inside it.

2009-10-28T13:13:00.002-04:00

Guy: I feel so dirty after being in a poor people store.

--Outside the Salvation Army

And eat bran muffins for eternity.

2009-10-28T13:11:00.001-04:00

Woman: You can't ticket the Cupcake Truck! You'd, like... go to hell.

--In line for cupcakes at Phelps Gate

I judge the world based on pood personal hygiene

2009-10-28T13:10:00.001-04:00

Guy #1: You know the Dark Ages, that might have been the height of civilization.
Guy #2: The DARK AGES?

--Old Campus

So I'm gonna look too cheap to get paid!

2009-10-28T13:09:00.000-04:00

Roommate, dressing to go out: I want to get laid tonight, but I don't want to look like I'm getting paid for it.

Then I knew I was blackout because I wanted to marry him.

2009-10-28T13:08:00.000-04:00

Girl: I knew I was wasted because I thought he looked really good. Ewwwwwww.

--Trumbull Brunch

By "exciting parts" I mean "titties"

2009-10-28T13:06:00.001-04:00

Guy: Pirates is the perfect movie to do homework to. You can do work during the plot and look up for the exciting parts.

--D-Port Dining Hall

This guy deserves a slow clap.

2009-10-14T16:28:00.000-04:00

Guy: Anytime someone tells me they identify with Holden Caulfield, I tell them to get the fuck away from me because he's a pathetic douche.

--D-port Dive

Least romantic proposal EVER.

2009-10-14T16:27:00.001-04:00

Guy to girl: I have ambition. And I want to spend the next four years of my life proving it to you so we can get married.

--Cross Campus

The conception of a food baby

2009-10-14T16:24:00.003-04:00

Girl #1: I just ate two of those doughnut things or whatever they're called.
Girl #2: Bagels?
Girl #1: Yeah.

What ISN'T nowadays.

2009-10-14T16:24:00.001-04:00

Guy: What the fuck is an amoeba?

--GHeav

Speak for yourself, Jaime Lee.

2009-10-14T16:23:00.001-04:00

Girl: We all have fucking vaginas and fucking balls. I could impregnate my fucking self if I fucking wanted to.

--Gourmet Heaven

Why can't I be Exeter...

2009-09-24T14:10:00.001-04:00

Choate/Yale guy: Can I just point out who is at this table right now?" (points) "Choate, Andover, Andover, Groton, Choate aaaaand... public school.
Groton/Yale girl: But I think if he HAD gone to prep school, he'd, like, totally be a St. Paul's boy.
All: Agreed.
Public school/Yale guy: Thanks. (under breath) Fuck you, douchebags.

Jenny's Prince Harry obsession suddenly makes sense.

2009-09-24T14:09:00.000-04:00

Yale Girl: Hugo Boss hasn't designed anything attractive since the Nazi uniforms.

Want one?

2009-09-24T14:04:00.001-04:00

Yale Alum: Whose horses are these?
Yale Student: I don't know, but I think they're from Newport.
Alum: Oh. I guess they're mine, then.

--Yale-UVA Alumni Polo Match

And then dips them in hummus.

2009-09-24T14:02:00.001-04:00

Black Guy #1: Man, he used to get crunk with us on a Saturday like a real man! Now he all vegan and organic and sustainable and shit.
Black Guy #2: Yeah, that's what having a woman does for you. Shrinks your balls.

--Whalley Ave.

Fat like a FOX.

2009-09-24T13:59:00.002-04:00

Skinny Townie Guy: You're not fat... you're big-boned.
Townie Woman: NO, I weigh 300 lbs, I'm FAT! (makes raspberry sound)

--Walking to Rudy's

In fact, the professor had be escorted from the building.

2009-09-24T13:58:00.000-04:00

Girl: I applied to that college seminar in hip-hop culture by writing, "Ain't nothin' but a g-thang, baby." ...I didn't get in.

--Trumbull

So Your Cat Wants A Massage?

2009-08-19T20:30:00.001-04:00

Is my crippling insecurity showing?

2009-08-15T13:56:00.001-04:00

Returning student: Hey, are you heading to New Haven?
CT Limo Driver: You go to Yale?
Student: Pardon?
Driver: YALE, kid. Ya go to Yale?
Student: I do, yes.
Driver: Yeah (spits on curb)... you LOOK like a Yale man.

--Hartford Airport

But from where you're standing I'm ALL ditz!

2009-08-15T13:54:00.001-04:00

Bartender: YOU WENT TO YALE?!
Waitress: Yeah.
Bartender: Hmm, I didn't know that. I just always figured you were dumb.
Waitress: No, no no, I'm smart inside.

--Marius

Don't worry, it's just to cover the meth lab smell.

2009-08-06T14:07:00.002-04:00

Girl: It smells really intensely of perfume all of a sudden.
(Minutes later)
Girl: Are they baking a Theta girl up there? Seriously! What else smells like that?

--The Elmhurst

How edgy of you.

2009-08-06T13:41:00.001-04:00

Guy #1: What are you listening to?
Guy #2: It's a walking playlist. I made it this morning for walking.

--Film Study Center

Neo-feminism hoooo!

2009-08-06T13:39:00.001-04:00

Girl: I guess I really just needed the penis, and that's exactly what he was.

--Cross Campus

Plus once I found a horse head in my bed.

2009-07-12T22:46:00.001-04:00

Girl: Well I wasn't convinced that my family was actually in the Mafia until I finally saw our family seal.
Guy: You guys actually have a family seal?
Girl: Yeah, it shows this hand kind of reaching out to grab something else on the other side of the circle
Guy: Grabbing what?
Girl: A bloody dismembered hand.

--Starbucks

Michael Jackson defies all labels

2009-07-08T17:07:00.002-04:00

Girl: Now is that a really gay thing or is that a really black thing?

--Orleton Court

There can NEVER be another.

2009-07-08T17:04:00.002-04:00

Homeless Guy: I've had three heart attacks! Another one and I'll be just like Michael Jackson.

--Chapel Street

You couldn't?

2009-07-08T17:04:00.001-04:00

Straight Guy: Could you imagine being 44 years-old and never having had a dick inside you?

--The Elmhurst

Just keep them away from sharp objects.

2009-07-08T17:01:00.000-04:00

Old Lady: Everyone's playing the handheld game. The PCP game.

--Amtrak Regional

Shut up or I'll scalp you.

2009-07-07T17:53:00.001-04:00

Guy: Why do you have the entire Last of the Mohicans soundtrack on your iPod? That's the real question.

--The Elmhurst

Turns out it's not.

2009-06-30T16:00:00.000-04:00

Guy: I was thinking it'd be funny to bic a dog.

He's clearly sake-bombed

2009-06-27T15:35:00.002-04:00

Guy #1: This literally smells like shit.
Girl: It's delicious! It's soy sauce.
Guy #2: He was trying to use it as a mixer.

--Lynwood

The market hasn't peaked yet!

2009-06-27T15:34:00.001-04:00

Guy: We're going to go sell two rottweilers right now!
Bouncer: Don't do that.

--Rudy's

It's A-OK!

2009-06-27T15:32:00.000-04:00

Girl: Sorry I wet your underwear.
Guy: ...

--Irish Pub

I fucked a mermaid!

2009-06-24T12:17:00.000-04:00

White Guy: And she's black. She could suck the chrome off the back of a boat. I CANNOT wait.

Heh..."Twitter"

2009-06-23T21:58:00.000-04:00

Guy: Clitoral stimulation? There's an app for that!

Uh, Sotomayor's confirmation?

2009-06-22T21:52:00.001-04:00

Drunk Guy: I'm fingering an 18-year-old. What's more important than that right now?

MINI Post-It!

2009-06-22T00:21:00.000-04:00

Woman: He broke up with me via Post-It!

No, like "born" born...out of the womb.

2009-06-22T00:20:00.001-04:00

Skater guy: I was born again in a Dunkin' Donuts.
Girl with posse: What does that mean? We're all Jews here.

--College Street

Well you SHANT have them.

2009-06-22T00:19:00.000-04:00

Sober 30-year-old woman: I want nuggets! I want nuggets!

--Temple Grill

Hot damn!

2009-06-21T23:49:00.001-04:00

Guy: That's awesome. That's, like, child abuse.

--The Elmhurst

I bleed sweet tea, motherfucker.

2009-06-17T18:24:00.002-04:00

Northern Girl: I always think of West Virginia as one big coal mine.
Southern Guy: Yankee bitch!

--The Elmhurst

That...I did not know.

2009-06-14T16:08:00.001-04:00

Guy: You know you don't get worker's comp right now.
Girl: You know your oysters were on my titties!

Funny how that works.

2009-06-14T16:07:00.000-04:00

Girl: I'm good at spelling. Except some words. I can't spell them.

Genesis of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

2009-06-14T16:06:00.000-04:00

Girl: I'm making pasta. I HAVE to be ovulating.

Is it too soon to make an Andrea Yates joke?

2009-06-14T16:04:00.001-04:00

Lady to three small children: It's so wet outside. It's like you're underwater but you're not.

Secret plan to keep all the wine to myself: Successful

2009-06-14T15:55:00.002-04:00

Girl: I left a bottle of wine in the freezer for two long and then sat on it to thaw it and nobody wanted to drink it.

Overstressing a bit, no?

2009-06-14T15:50:00.002-04:00

Girl #1: My friend is in fucking Disney World! I don't get this!
Girl #2: Why is he is Disney World?
Girl #1: I don't KNOW!

How can you be sure?

2009-06-14T15:33:00.001-04:00

Girl: I am the blackout queen but I do not throw up.

--Marius

Just needs a light buffing once in a while.

2009-06-14T15:31:00.002-04:00

Employee: The way I think about it is that your hair will wash itself.
Customer: Yeah, it's like the woman's...the woman's pussy washes itself.

--Whitney Humanities Center